Tag Archives: Humor

Describing The 5 Worst Types of Headache

The Eyeball Twister

One of two things are happening.

Your eyes are being pushed ever so slowly through a clothes wringer.

Or possibly your optic nerve is being used as a tourniquet to stop the bleeding of your brain stem.

Either way, you are aware you have eyes, and are debating their removal.

The Ice Pick

This ghost pick usually is stabbed into the same spot, over and over.  Every stroke pounding deeper into your cranium.

The pain radiates out from that spot like an out of control fire.

I must be paying for some horrible sin I committed because I have one foot stuck in the gate of hell.

The Sinus Buster

Is my head leaking?

Why can’t I feel my face?

The pain is so heavy in the front of my face, I feel like I might tip forward and faceplant in the middle of the floor.

What?  What?  I can’t hear you!  But, I think I can hear the ocean.  I can’t tell if my ears are full of molten lava or if I filled them up with the tears that are streaming down my face.

The Barfer

This headache has hitched a ride on the Pain Express, next stop your stomach.

You are nauseous.

You feel a little wobbly.

If you move your head in a direction the rest of your body follows.

You start to float above the floor.  (Wow look at that, I am having an out of body experience.)

Feels like a record that is skipping, caught, trapped in my madness.  I am spinning ever so gently.  Fast and then slow…repeat.

I am pretty sure my brain is taking a ride on the Tilt-A-Whirl.  Where is my bucket?

The Other Side

I see a light.  Far in the distance.  It is getting brighter.  Should I walk towads the light?  It is kind of pretty.  I have heard there is peace and serenity in the light.

I am reminded of the movie Poltergeist.

To her, it simply is another child “headache”. To us, it is The Beast.  -Tangina

That is weird, I only see this light with my left eye.  Oh, the pretty light is going away now, nothing to fear here.  This was nothing like Poltergeist.  I am going to…WHAM!!!     THEY’RE HERE!!!

Anyone ever experience one of these?  All of these?  Leave a comment with your experience.  

Teaser Photo Attribution By:  [3/4 of zerO]

8 Ways to Know Your Firework Display Was a Dud

1.  The guests at your party turned thier chairs around to face the neighbors display.

2.  It started at 9:15 and was over at 9:20.

3.  The only “ooo” was in disgust, and the only “ahh” was when they realized you were a pyro-loser.

4.  You hit grandma with a bottle rocket… twice…

5.  You kept saying “Wait, this next one will be huge”.

6.  Some grease dripping into the barbeque grill put on a better show.

7.  The punk was one of the more expensive items in your bag.

8.  3 Fountains and a handful of snap pop’s all at once was the Grand Finale.

Teaser Photo Attribution By:  tsuacctnt

7 Childhood Movies That Weirded Me Out

I know these movies are pretty harmless.  They were made for kids.  They are not suppose to be scary.  But, some of the scenes in these movies gave me the creeps.  I am not sure what it was.  Maybe it is the time period in which they were made.  The way they made cartoons back then had an eerie feel to them.  They are from a time period when almost any man in a movie looks like a child molester.

Don’t get me wrong.  I loved these movies.  But, it was kind of like watching a tornado approach.  You know you want to run, but at the same time you can’t help but watch.

Continue reading

Original Movie Quotes Improved by Editing

Continue reading

Ways to Salute your Fellow Driver

We have all saluted a fellow driver one way or another. Some ways are to commend while some are to condemn. Here are some different ways to salute your fellow drivers. Continue reading

A Break-Up Letter to High Fructose Corn Syrup

High Fructose Corn Syrup (sweetie),

Although it’s been well over 20 years ago, it seems like we just met.  I remember that bright and sunny day like it was yesterday.  You were so sweet, and honestly, you still are.  The hunger your brought to my soul was so powerful.  I missed you when you were gone.  I hurt until the time I would see you again.  I am confident you made me a bigger person.  Everyone could see it, especially when only wearing swimming trunks.  The looks, the glances, they could see I was in love as I carried you around the beach in that cooler.  Oh, the memories.

The thing I must tell you now is going to hurt you a lot more than it is going to hurt me.  I have found another.  Her name is Honey.  I think she will be more honest with me, more natural.

You might be asking yourself why I am doing this.  I’m just not myself when I am around you.  It is like I am on some kind of high, and when you leave I crash.  I crash hard.  I can’t go on living like this.  You have said time and time again that you think I am afraid of commitment.  I admit that is true, but I am also afraid of how you affect me on the inside.  The lies you told, the broken promises, I just don’t trust your label anymore.

Don’t worry.  You are subsidized, you will find another.  There are others dying to fall into a long term relationship with you.  I have seen some wandering around in the soda aisle at the grocery store looking for love.

I am sure I will see you around from time to time.  Just don’t be surprised when I look the other way.



(To understand why I wrote this letter read The Dangers of High Fructose Corn Syrup)

Things you will never hear a man say to a woman

Continue reading

Things you will never hear a woman say to a man

10 people I would like to see punched in the face


Continue reading

10 people you might meet at the gym

I try to hit the gym as often as I can.  I seem to average about 3 times a week which gives me plenty of time to notice some reoccurring characters. Continue reading

%d bloggers like this: