Lets get into the mind of a “snow day freak out” shall we?
(Thinking out loud)
The weatherman just said we have a chance of snow. I just got a craving for some bread and milk. I should probably hurry and go get some from the grocery store. Yes, we already have a gallon of milk in the fridge but what if we are stranded here for a whole day and we run out of milk. I can’t have osteoporosis take me at such a young age. Lets look out the window and see what is going on. Hmm, nothing yet. Seems peaceful. Wait…what was that? Oh, shoo, it was just a bird pooping on my window. Thought that might have been a snowflake. Maybe the meteorologists are wrong. They certainly have been wrong in the past. Probably are this time also. I feel better. I must have a mild case of Chionophobia (fear of snow) to get all worked up like this, for nothing.
(20 minutes pass)
Alright. I am ready for work. Here we go. (garage door going up) Hey, well what the? Flurries! Back inside. I can’t risk this, I am calling in to work. They will understand, its treacherous out there. It is sticking to the grass already.
It is the only way to survive this kind of thing.
I need to calm down. I am not going anywhere so what else is there to fear? Snowmen! Every time it snows those kids across the street build a snowman. But they don’t just build a snowman. They build it in the front yard and face it at my house. What if it looks at me, smiling, taunting me to come outside and then BAM, it comes to life and eats me? Ive seen the Frosty The Snowman cartoon, it could happen.
Ok, the chances of a snowman coming to life are pretty slim. I will just throw a jacket over its face like the boy did to the clown in Poltergeist. Then I won’t have to look at it anymore and it can’t get me. But, what if on my way over there to do so I am hit by a snowball? I could fall, hit my head, knock myself unconscious. Frostbite would set in in minutes. I would end up like Jack Torrance did in the last scene of The Shining. Those bratty kids would probably end up using my frozen carcass as a snow fort. Cruel and clever at the same time.
Hooray, there goes the snow plow. My hero. Throw that salt, don’t hold back, throw it. THROW IT! Now I can rest. Tax dollars hard at work.
I better go catch the news. Usually when it snows they only dedicate the first 50 minutes of the hour long program to the snow storm. I don’t want to miss the reporter on the street rubbing his hand on the sidewalk showing me how slippery it is. I wouldn’t be able to figure that out on my own. Also the storm preparation advice is critical. This past summer I learned that the basement was the best place to be during a tornado. I kept taking cover in the attic thinking that if the house fell down I would be sitting on top of all the rubble. Those news people are not only good looking they are smart too.
I hope I didn’t miss the school closing list. Even though I don’t have kids in school and don’t attend school myself, I love finding out if my childhood school is cancelled. It’s like being a kid again. A simpler time, when a snow day was something to cherish, something to freak out over, in a good way.
Anyone else “freak out” over snow? Or do you love it? Leave your comments below, especially if you are home on a snow day.
And to keep with my theme of lists, here is one for you.
Places that have set state records for the heaviest one-day snowfall amounting to three feet or more.
- Georgetown, Colorado 63″ Dec 4 1913
- Thompson Pass, Alaska 62″ Dec 29 1955
- Giant Forest, California 60″ Jan 19 1933
- Millegan, Montana 48″ Dec 27 2003
- Gunn’s Ranch, Washington 48″ Jan 21 1935
- Deadwood, South Dakota 47″ Mar 14 1973
- Watertown, New York 45″ Nov 15 1900
- Cannon Mountain, New Hampshire 41″ Dec 4 1963
- Heber Ranger Station, Arizona 38″ Dec 14 1967
- Morgantown, Pennsylvania 38″ Mar 20 1958
- Chemult, Oregon 37″ Feb 6 1949
- Wolf Ridge, Minnesota 36″ Jan 7 1994
- Abbott, New Mexico 36″ Nov 24 1940